I Planted Winter Roses

The flowers that bloom at this time of year have to be tough. The calendar says April, which brings to mind the sunshine and warmth of spring. The reality, however, is much different. This week alone has brought snow, sleet, rain, gusting winds, and sub-zero temperatures. Through it all, the Hellebores bloom.

Hellebores in bloom

There's a duality to Hellebores. On the one hand, they symbolize peace, tranquility, and new beginnings. On the other hand, there is a negative view of this plant fuelled by both history and legend. Hellebores have been associated with stress, anxiety and scandal. The Victorians associated Hellebores with delirium. In Greek mythology, the plant was used to treat madness. 

Hellebore backlit by sunshine

These negative associations brought up some negative associations of my own. My childhood and early adult years were difficult. One individual was responsible, and I cut that person out of my life as much as realistically possible a long time ago. Life, as a result, is so much better. It's harder to cut out the memories and the lingering emotions, though. They spring up whenever they feel like it. This week, while admiring the Hellebores, I was reminded that the individual who made my life hell once uprooted a holly shrub I had planted and broke every branch with glee. The holly was beyond saving and I was devastated. It was another hurt in a long list of hurts. I tried to capture that tough time in my life in a poem.

I Planted Winter Roses

I shrank away
from your choleric temperament

when the yellow bile rose

and the irrational anger seared

I recoiled from unkind words

spewed with spittle

flinched at the knife cutting

through supper with spite

suffocated in the river of resentment

flowing from the icy headwaters

of your black heart

My flesh stinging

my ears ringing

at the fury of your fist

meeting the steady pulse

of my temple

pounding loose delusions

that the cruelty would end

I withdrew

I hid behind a locked door

I let my wounds weep

The melancholy swelled

and when my soul

could take no more

I stepped outside

Ignoring you

I planted winter roses

Hellebores are also known as winter roses

Hellebores are also known as winter roses, Lenten roses, or Christmas roses. They have no connection to the roses, however. They are part of the buttercup family. Despite the negative associations that come with these early springtime bloomers, the act of planting (regardless of the plant's reputation, earned or unearned) is an act of hope, and sometimes, that is all you need to keep going.

Happy Gardening!